Plagiarism

self portrait, with teeth, no thumbs

Dear Diary,

I just wanted to let you know that we have our own byline and the human has been claiming credit for it. For quite some time, she has been submitting our articles and using our name and telling people she wrote the stuff.

I am here to set the record straight. She does not do any of the writing except the stuff that requires opposable thumbs, like this note. Lulu and I, well, really me. I think up this stuff and get it all formed in my head and then I write it all out.

I am taking online courses that teach you how to master the keyboard without thumbs, so in no time at all I will personally be submitting the work and the human will have to be satisfied with picking up poop.

Just wanted to set the record straight. Now. Can someone open the treat jar? Why do they make those things so you need thumbs!!!

Sincerely,

Phoebe

Happy Birthday Lulu!

Dear Diary,

Today I am 5. Apparently I have a few gray hairs, but little do the humans know that I have already made an appointment at the salon for a little color rinse. I DO know how to use the internet, after all. You don't have to call for an appointment!

Other than that, and my pesky sister, I am sure that turning 5 is not a big deal. I expect that they will host a very big party soon, although I have yet to see the invitations. Perhaps I will have to order them myself.

But, it is business as usual. A little nap, followed by a siesta in the sunshine, followed by a snack and then followed by a chair nap. Sounds good to me.

Happy birthday to me!

Love, Lulu

Phoebe Hires a Fitness Trainer

Phoebe listens to the sounds of Lulu sucking down a Mai Tai

Dear Diary,

It wasn't something we planned, but since we had the internet to ourselves and I was not interested in any new couture, Phoebe thought she'd shop for some new balls. Turns out when she googled new balls she got "fitness trainers". Who knew?!

That is when she decided that she wished to look like her friend Stell-a who has a Jayne Mansfield chest and a haunches that make Jlo jealous. Turns out Stell-a is a runner. Phoebe, when she looked up "running" as a fitness option, turned quite pale and yowled something close to panic.

That is when she clicked on racket ball. Racket ball is where you hit a really small ball with this thing like a fly swatter and bounce it against the wall. All Phoebe heard was ball flying through the air, and she had visions of fetch.

So she hired a trainer online to teach the art of fetch. Everyday they go to the park on the corner that says dogs must be on 6 foot leads, and he takes off her 6 foot leash since she is a client first, dog second. And then the workout begins.

He launches the ball slowly at first to get her warmed up and then lobs it with a crazy contraption that zooms the ball into outer space quite far. But Phoebe, bless her, is always one step ahead. I do think she needs doggles for the sunnier days because the ball often lands on her face before she can spot it. Might help if they used a ball that wasn't the same color as the sun..... Just saying.

Personally, I am worried about how out of shape she is. I can see the definition starting in her rear, and the chest is looking pretty good too. But she wheezes an awful lot. The trainer says that in a month if she is still wheezing she might want to try water aerobics with the senior class that starts at 8 every morning. I'm sure they would love to have her.

In the meantime, she fetches with a vengeance.

And I sip a Mai Tai in my lounge chair.

Love, Lulu

Old is New: The Farrah Hair Craze

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still in the make-up chair..........

Lulu with extra light highlights.......

Phoebe is perfecting the pout

Lulu & Phoebe Unplugged

When not testing the latest EV autos, Lulu and Phoebe like to travel. Their recent adventure at Fort Baker, under the Golden Gate Bridge to celebrate the human's getting really old birthday, was as much fun as it could get if you are a dog and get to play endlessly on beaches, eat at restaurant bars, and generally get to explore where really big birds poop.

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First, Lulu and Phoebe get a look at the Golden Gate Bridge from the Marin Headlands. Apparently the treats in front of them are more interesting than one of the modern seven wonders of the planet behind them.

Next, under the bridge, at the beach, Phoebe runs like the wind to catch her ball. Her enthusiasm for speed often gets her in trouble. She will skid, turn in the air, and go flying, butt over head, trying to catch the ball. She can catch. She just can't stop without the skidding.

Last, a little Blair Witch video of Lulu and Phoebe at the beach. When being both videographer and ball thrower, something will go awry. As usual, Phoebe gets the ball and Lulu gets to cheerfully hop right along. The amount of sand on their faces is clearly equal to their joy.

What bridge?

Phoebe skidding into a turn

and she turns without stopping....

Never, ever, give her the keys to the car!

Practicing a slide, skid and catch

Where we are humiliated trying out EVs

Dear Diary,

Our humans insisted we try out these very new EV cars. First of all, how humiliating that they let Phoebe drive the right handed one! Honestly, she has no concept of right or left, but that didn't seem to matter.

It also didn't seem to matter that we really never were actually inside these vehicles. Imagination, said the human! Imagination! Very funny. If you are going to force me to have imagination, it sure as heck will not be about an EV. Couture maybe. Jambon, yes. Ice cream, yes. A knuckle bone, yes! And smelly worms. Yes yes yes! But not this stuff.

Anyway, we voted for the purple one. It really is the tidiest and the cutest of them all. The second one, Coda, is made by a specialty American company, but made entirely in China. Even I know something is not quite right about that. The tiny tiny silver one, Smera is Parisian and you can buy it now in Paris. The only odd thing is that you can have a passenger in back, or a package. Every time I would pick the package so that probably won't work for me and Phoebe. It is like half a smart car.

And the little purple one is called i-Mi from Mitsubishi. Available only in Japan, it is very expensive! Way more than any couture that I would own. We like that one the best but so far Mitsubishi is not impressed with our modeling job and won't gift us the car. I even told them my name was Angelina Jolly but that didn't work either. Sigh.

Anyway, as silly as it is, here we are. Driving. What will they think of next? Having us skipper a sailboat? Flying a Lear? Or running a new Dyson around the house?

Can anyone send for me? I need a vacation!

Love, Lulu

Under the Orange Bridge

Dear Diary,

Phoebe and I were on vacation recently. The humans took us to the coast of California. Just kidding. We live on the coast of California. But since it is a big coast, they took us to another part. First, we went over that giant orange bridge. Orange is just not my color. I wouldn't mind at all if they painted it purple, but that's just me. We drove up this giant hill on a winding road to take some photos. Notice how we are gripping the bench because the wind was ferocious and was going to blow us off the hillside. I am using big words here because I had plenty of time to read the dictionary while we were driving and driving.

I had no idea California was bigger than France. Really. It all seems the same to me until we are in the car. Anyway, we stayed at this knockoff resort place under the orange bridge that the humans thought was all that. First, I want to tell them that it is not all that. The rug was hideous and the couch was just this side of Grandmas. It just needed plastic on top and it would have been identical. Geez.

The bar was fun though. It had outside tables so Phoebe and I were able to join in on the fun. Apparently you can eat at the bar because we had some great French Fries. I could take a pass on the salad, but I do have to say that the burger was pretty good the first night. I read the reviews and knew that the food wasn't consistent, so I was not surprised when my burger the second night was not exactly the same. It looked a lot like chicken actually.

Phoebe just loved the beach, but then again, she has a good complexion for the beach. I need a sunhat. And that sure didn't happen. Fortunately it was cold and the humans didn't last long. We went for lunch after that all the way to the end of the planet to a place called Bolinas. You can find dogs hanging out on top of phone booths there. Who knew?!

All in all, it was a pretty good vacation. I could have spent more time shopping in Mill Valley where the couture was abundant. I did score some new toys, but not any couture. Sadly, the humans didn't feel the need for more clothes since space is premium. Fortunately for me, I memorized the credit card numbers again. Next time we are home alone, I can shop online. I just need to get Phoebe to sit on Mom's shoulder again to get the new password........

Have to go now. Still pulling sand out of places that are unmentionable.

Love, Lulu