North Pole? Global Toasting Anyone?

Dear Diary,

Two days after it was 800 below, it was 97 degrees in the shade. I don't know about you, but our paws just can't take it anymore! I am afraid we will need to order some footwear if this keeps up. The sidewalks were warm enough to toast the toes, cook a kibble, and dry the poop in no time flat.

Phoebe and I sent a note to Al Gore to ask him about this. He sent us back a copy of some Truthiness movie. We tried to watch it but fell asleep. I think that if there was better music it might have kept our attention.

Anyway, we had a few days of that miserable toastiness and then voila! This morning it was cold enough for a sweater (but guess who forgot to get them out for us...Mom!). A girl cannot poop very well while shivering. It gets all over and some of us don't like that. At all! But enough about that.

We got a new bed for our nighttime hotel called a crate. It is the very first one ever that came with movable sides so we don't have to press against the cold walls. Good one mom! And thanks to Auntie Miyon for finding it first. It really is comfy and soft. And as long as Phoebe doesn't goober it up with snot we should be good. She did barf up a pea from her dinner the other night, slept on it and then left it there the next day. I could have slapped her silly! The humans close the door to the hotel during the day and that pea spent all day sitting there. Good thing I got there first that next night! I was coveting the pea all day long. Nothing like a used dried pea to take the edge off.

Got to go and stand in front of my dresser drawer now until my mom figures out I will need a fleece for our walk in the morning. She is a pretty good mom, but man, is it hard to train her sometimes. Since I am not allowed to have chocolate, training her with treats is tough. She really prefers chocolate to diced dried carrots. Wouldn't you know.

I understand, at least as much as I can when they speak in English, that we are going for a nice walk on Saturday. Hope there are coffee shops on that walk. I am really craving croissants and a latte.

Bye for now,

Love, Lulu

Inspiration. Meet Susan Boyle.

Dear Diary,

Lulu and I are taking a break today from our assorted nonsense to bring you someone you must meet.

Meet Susan Boyle. Lulu and I are leaking from our eyes listening to this. We dare you to not cry!

Dream big, people. Dream big!



All our love,

Lulu and Phoebe

How Did We Get to the North Pole?

Dear Diary,

It seems we moved farther than we thought. Apparently we live in the North Pole. How do Phoebe and I know this you ask? Easy. First the wind chill made it about 800 below this morning out there and I think Santa lives around the corner. Sure sure. He wears tee shirts when it isn't the holidays, but no mistaking that guy.

Today when we went for a walk I literally blew away. My mom had to reel me in on the leash and hold me. She said it was that way or I'd have to get attached to Phoebe for ballast. Neither was fine with me, but I didn't have a choice. It isn't fun weighing 10 pounds when the wind is blowing at 300 mph. Phoebe's fat butt helped her stay on the ground, but just.

I'm all for relocating to FL now. I know about the humidity and all that, but this wind chill thing here is ridiculous. Where are we? Middle Earth?

Anyway, I am totally annoyed because I can see the sun shining out there and it makes me want to go out, but then I see the trees dipping over and that doesn't seem like fun. Not only can you get blown away, but tickled in the rear by a giant palm tree in 800 below something degrees. No thanks!

I guess I will just go find the notebook computer and use the secret credit card to order some more couture. Do you think Prada makes a windproof coat?

Shhhh. Don't tell my mother. She's busy making more cookies for humans. She should be making more cookies for canines. Maybe I will order some of those too.

Later,

Lulu

Wanted: Internet that is in Good Condition and Works

Dearest Diary,

Hi there, Phoebe here. Lulu is taking a break because she refuses to leave the kitchen. She thinks if she stays in her lovebucket in the kitchen long enough, our mom will keep giving her treats. It's been week now, and the only time she leaves is when our mom puts the leash on and carries her outside. Honestly, I am getting annoyed. Sometimes I keep her company, but that is so boring.

I need someone to play with me. Someone to chase me. Someone to pretend to take the toy away. I've reasoned with her. I've bribed her. I even told her she could have my treats, but nothing doing. I am going to have send an anonymous note to the humans about this if she doesn't cut it out soon!

In other news, we are back online again. Mom has had lots of meltdowns this past week. First her computer broke and dad built her a new one. Then the internet, whatever that is, went on vacation without providing adequate back up coverage. I hear you can get fired for that! Then it would come back really slow like and then not at all. Then the repair guy would show up (he was fun!) and nothing would work.

Finally, mom bought a bag of miniature tootsie rolls and everything is ok again. I guess the internet came back from vacation because I am writing this and it works. Too bad. I liked the internet repair guy cause he told me stories about his dog. He had lots of stories cause he was here all day long. I wonder if Comcast cares that the repair guy was at our house all day and didn't get around to fixing anything?

I know how to get Lulu out of the kitchen! I will tell her I wrote in the diary. That will do it for sure!

Later dude.

Love, Pheebs

My Mom is Just Not Coordinated

Dear Diary,

I am so sorry Mom. I really don't want to make fun of you because you are so old and all, but really, can you make us look any more dorky? Today we went for a walk with my mom and she tried to use two flexi leads that roll out to 400 feet each. That means if Phoebe pulls on the lead she can go to the store and back while still attached to a leash. And if I want to be a smarty pants, I can pull in the other direction and go to the park and back. Meantime our mom is still trying to hold those two handles, find the locking thing, and pick up the poop while watching us wander off. Silly Phoebe decided to pop down about 6 townhouses over and wander up the steps just to see what was cooking.

Mom is still trying to figure out the locking thingy and pick up the poop, so I thought I would help out and get Phoebe to follow me back home, across the street. That didn't work out so well. I guess those lamp posts don't let you tug the leash through. Apparently both of us got wrapped around the post while mom tried to pick up the poop, lock the thingy and untangle us at the same time. The only thing funnier would have been if someone had taken a picture of us like the man with the cell phone pointed at us, laughing his head off. I should have bitten his ankle.

Anyway, we made it home and mom wasn't sweating too much. Phoebe had no idea what had gone on because she is that way. I'm surprised we got to have a treat when we got inside, but if it makes any difference, I found the flexi leads stashed under the shoes in the closet. I don't think we will be using those again for a while. Or at least not with one person, two flexi leads and two dogs, and a few lamp posts in between.

By the way, I looked for Phoebe's ball today. Seems it is gone. I bet Phoebe popped a hole in it and the air went away. Mom and dad took all of Phoebe's balls away anyway. They said she had smashed her head too many times trying to catch it and she needed a break so her brain doesn't break off. I got news for them.

Later diary. Time for a walkie.

Love, Lulu

Woe

Dear Diary,

I have a headache. I wish they had something for dog migraines, but I have to tough it out. First, the hot water. It got fixed pretty early which was terrific. I even got a nice warm bath! And the human dad got a nice shower this morning, but alas, no hot water. Again! So Mom sent in another work order and followed it up with a trip to the office with Phoebe and me for cuteness, and they said they would be here in about a half hour. I don't tell time very well, but I think it has been at least four half hours so far. Mom is getting really peeved.

Yesterday, when she was out on the patio putting stuff back in the closet (which did not fit, by the way!) Phoebe was playing with her big blue ball. It just lifted into the air and the wind carried it all the way off our patio into the courtyard and then into someone else's patio. Someone with a small kid! Phoebe was right there in a flash. That girl should be a speed racer and jumper. She hopped over those walls before our Mom could even blink. Oh oh. While it was easy for her to leap over, it would not be so easy for a human to do that. Mom tried calling her back, but Phoebe was possessed by the ball. She gets like that. I tried to slink back into the house so I would not get in trouble, but since I also didn't want Mom to slip and break her neck I thought I should help her chase after Phoebe. Wrong! Man! I didn't do anything wrong, but she yelled at me to get in the house. Talk about rude, Madame!

Anyway, I had fun watching her try to leap over walls to get to Phoebe, and finally Phoebe came back, looking really sad and all. She lost her ball and couldn't get it back over the wall and Mom was so mad at her she didn't even go look for the ball.

Today on our walk I saw it mixed in with the little kid's patio toys so I guess it now belongs to them. Poor Phoebe. If she ever sees it she will be so sad. And mad. I overheard Mom telling Dad that Phoebe cannot have balls on the patio anymore. Oh dear.

See why I have a migraine? No hot water. Again! No balls. And Mom still hasn't had her coffee because she can't leave us alone while waiting for them to get here to fix the hot water. Do they deliver coffee? I found the credit card - I could get take-out!

Let's hope tomorrow is better.

Love, Lulu

ps - don't tell Phoebe about her ball's new home!