Dear Diary,

Last night we got to sleep in the big bed with the humans.

But I have to tell you, they just do not understand how to sleep in a pile. Don't humans know anything? I have to slap the woman with my front foot, ever so politely to get her attention. I like to sleep under the real covers, not that fake blanket stuff on top of the bedding that Phoebe always falls for. I can't quite lift it with my teeth so I need her help. Most of the time she helps me out and I dive right under those cozy covers.

I love to slam myself up against either my mom or dad but for some stupid reason they don't like that. They are always sliding me away and I always toss myself right back. And guess what? I win.

Until Phoebe, on top of the covers decides that she wants to sleep right there, on top of me. That girl is so fluffy and annoying. And she always acts so surprised when I flinch and pop out from under the covers and give her a dirty look. Like "what? what?"

So now I try to sleep on the other side but apparently that doesn't work either because those humans have to pee in the middle of the night an awful lot. And that means I have to move. I never get a good night's sleep.

I have no idea why it offends my mom when I get too warm and have to get my head out from under the covers. Just because I always end up on her pillow and my ear ends up in her nose it seems to bother her a bunch. So I try to do that really quietly. The problem is I snore. Then the woman wakes up and gets very fussy just because my ear is in her nose. I don't think she knows that ear wax is quite tasty and smells devine.

The other problem is that Phoebe moves around a lot. Sometimes she reads a book half the night and hearing those pages turning keeps me awake. I haven't a clue what she is reading but it is a really huge book. Probably 10 pages. That could take her months.

It may take me months to catch up on my sleep from all that nonsense. At least no one bothers me if I happen to nap during the day. That is, unless there is a good reason to ring the bells.

Love, Lulu